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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

COMMITMENT; WHAT SAYS YOU?

Ever think about marriage? Commitment? Tipulah kalau aku cakap aku tak pernah terfikir ke arah itu semua. I'm normal, and straight. Of course I would like to get married one day. I'm not going to tell you when, or who's am gonna spend my life with. Just a random talk as a single (not taken) woman as I am now.

Perkahwinan hukumnya adalah harus bagi umat Islam. So in other words, sesiapa yang cukup syarat-syarat yang telah digariskan dalam Islam, maka harus baginya berkahwin. In doesn't matter how old are you, or how young your partner is. When you're ready to have a commitment, there's nothing to be afraid of. Just go for it.

TAPI. Mentaliti orang zaman sekarang, takut bila berbicara soal perkahwinan. It's either they're afraid of the responsibility, or people talking bad behind them. Marriage is not only about having sex, you know? You are about to spend the whole life of yours together. Make it high or low, you have each other. Forever. 


"Aku nak kawen tapi aku takutla. Bukan apa, gf aku tu tak kerja. Kalau aku kawen nanti macamana nak bagi dia makan? Gaji aku ni pon cukup untuk makan pakai aku sendiri jek,"


"Aku nak kawen, tapi selagi bf aku tak sediakan rumah dengan kereta. Aku tak nak kawen dengan dia. Oh, did I mention he need to have his OWN house?"


"Aku suka anak aku finally nak kawen, but then bakal isterinya tu orang Perak la pulak. Ish, aku tak berkenan pulak dengan orang belah-belah sana tu,"


Pernah dengar? Happens to some people you know? Untuk Situasi 1; aku faham dilema mereka. Honestly, me myself once had a thought just exactly like that. Speaking of expenses right? Bills, cars, house rent, etc. One can't hardly afford if they had only a thousands or two for salary. Let alone after having a child. Things ain't that easy. Tapi janji Tuhan itu pasti. Rezeki ada di mana-mana. 

Situasi 2 : Memang tak kawenla kau sampai bila-bila! Unless you've found a filthy rich guy, then I won't question you anything. Orang nak pakai duit selepas kahwin, dia sibuk nak itu ini sebelum kahwin. Camana? Bersabar sikitlah dik ooii.. Rezeki tak datang bergolek. What is wrong kalau you start one by one? Baby baru lahir pun tak terus berlari kan?

Situasi 3 : Anak yang nak kahwin, tapi mak-ayah menyulitkan keadaan. Makcik, pakcik. Sanggup ke tanggung dosa anak ke hulu ke hilir tanpa ikatan yang sah? Apa salahnya kalau mereka daripada rumpun yang lain? Sekurang-kurangnya, dia ada niat yang baik ingin mendirikan masjid. Sepatutnya sebagai ibu-bapa, haruslah menggalakkan pernikahan untuk mengelakkan maksiat. Ini macam terbalik pulak.

My says? If you are ready to take the responsibility, why not you go for it? Marry him / her. Let other people say everything they wanted to. Mulut orang bukan kita boleh tutup kan? At least bila dah kahwin, hubungan tu dah sah di sisi agama. Bukan itu ke yang paling penting? So, what says you?



Sunday, October 7, 2012

SABAR; I.

Sabar. Sesuatu yang sangat sukar untuk dicapai sesetengah orang. Sebab itulah dalam Islam, sabar itu merupakan sesuatu yang sangat dituntut. Bahkan dikatakan bahawa sabar itu adalah sebahagian daripada iman. Wallahualam.

Bila berdepan dengan orang tua, tak dapat dinafikan sesekali siling kesabaran bagaikan mahu runtuh diasak perasaan marah, geram sakit hati dan sebagainya. Namun berbaloikah? Ditambah pula dengan hakikat bahawa itu adalah emak/bapa mentua kita?

Aku tak nafikan once kita dah berkahwin dengan seseorang, secara automatik kita pun berkahwin dengan keluarga mereka. Getting together doesn't sound as easy as ABC. Just imagine if you have to stay under one roof together with your-in-laws. Some might think it was quite economical if you didn't own your own house yet. But does it worth? You have to sacrifice a few things altogether with your economical state.

1. You won't have your own privacy. 
Jangan mimpila kan nak main aci kejar dalam rumah, nak menyanyi-nyanyi sambil masak, nak pakai seksi-seksi untuk husband kalau bukak pintu bilik je dah nampak mak/ayah mentua lalu-lalang kat dalam rumah. Nak kena jaga tatasusila, aurat lagi dengan ipar-duai dalam rumah. Tak selesa kot.

2. Cannot be a lazy bum. 
Akan ada orang yang mungkin perli-perli, cakap makan dalam bila tiba-tiba hari tu anda bangun lewat; atau masak tak sedap; atau tak kemas rumah; atau tak menolong di dapur. Selama ni duduk rumah sendiri mak kita memang takdela nak sound makan dalam punye, tapi mak mentua? Takkan sama macam mak sendiri.

3. Save your expenses.
Tak perlu keluar duit untuk sewa rumah, bil api, bil air, Astro, or whatever things happen to be in your house. Maybe kena keluar sikit untuk dapur jela kot. Depends. Kalau dapat mentua yang jenis tak kisah, lagila untung!

4. Favourite In-Law.
Once dah jadi favourite menantu, memang syiok! Semua pon indah je. Hahaha.. Nak makan itu, dapat. Nak makan ini, dapat. Tapi itulah, kalau kahwin dengan adik ipar semua perempuan pon nasiblah. Kena compare pulak kan. Lagi hampeh kalau MIL actually tak berapa berkenan kat kita. Haaaa, jadila macam ala-ala cerita Ibu Mertuaku tu ha. Ish ish ish.

Honestly, mak aku pernah pesan kalau aku kahwin esok-esok, jangan duduk satu rumah dengan MIL. Banyak yang susah daripada yang senangnya. Biarlah kita bersusah-susah janji tak menyusahkan. Tak kiralah rumah mak aku, atau mak dia. Sama je. Tak dapat banglo bertingkat-tingkat, apartment mewah, ruamah teres biasa pun bersyukurlah. Biar belajar hidup berdikari. Sampai bila nak bergantung dengan family kan?


Hint :: Serial. TBC.


Monday, September 10, 2012

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE?

When you dream of something, what would you do?

A. You'll work hard to achieve it.
B. You do nothing, and hope for a miracle to happen.
C. You work hard, pray and leave everything in the hands of Allah. He knows better.
D. Too good too be true?


I guess D is the answer for me by the moment. Like others, I was dreaming to have a good plan for my own. But somehow, I can see it doesn't went like it was supposed to be. Like what? Well, you know I didn't place high hopes for something unsure. I've always think positive, just to ensure myself that eventually good things will happens somewhere, somehow. Maybe it was too good to be true.

I was left heart-broken and I'd still mending it. The heart of mine was under healing treatment when I was falling, again. This time for sure I fall very hard. Why? Enough said that I am late to be the one for him. I can't blame him being there just at the perfect moment when I need someone. I was blaming myself for uncontrolled mind and scattered feelings that makes me pull an unwise decision. VERY UNWISE indeed.

I can't turn back the time. No one can. I wish I could be someone else, and turn away like nothing happened. When I was alone, silly things came out from nowhere. Like; I want to run away from all of this. But I know, it would be harder. Running away won't do any better. If I had stronger heart and mind, I would definitely go for it. But I can't. I ain't strong enough.

Sometimes it came to my mind, will I had a happy ending? Could I even dream of happiness meanwhile someone else's is hurt because of my doing? Sounds quite selfish there, huh? I don't know how long could it takes before I lose to my sanity. I was faking a smile just to protect myself in front of others. It's not that easy. People, friends will come and ask. Being them, they probably just happen to hear from someone else's, or rumors. They know nothing. And I had to create another lie, just to protect my heart and my feelings. I don't want people see me as a weak, but I'm not that strong either.

I'd pray for my own happiness. Is it too good to be true? I'm leaving the answer to Him.


"Life is a gamble at terrible odds; if it was a bet you wouldn't take it."
 - Tom Stoppard. 



Thursday, August 23, 2012

RAYA OH RAYA 2012..

Hari Raya Ke-5, dan masih bekerja. This is my seriously-no-raya-celebration-year-ever! Why? Obviously, because I'm working on this raya season. And my leave only start on next week. Sigh. I don't have chance to kiss my parent's hand, and my aunts & uncles also. On the other side, I won't need to give 'duit raya' to my nieces!! Hahahahahaha... Save my money!





On Raya's Eve, I was sleeping over my Mak house. Since I can't celebrating the 1st Raya with my own mom, I decided to go to my other mom. Hahaha.. So I get to eat so called nasi impit, kuah kacang, and rendang! I'd managed to wear my baju raya for all day working, since it's Raya celebration. We're busy on that day because it was a public holiday, and school holiday also. And that night, I have another job waiting for me. Babysitting.

Yes, I become a nanny for 7, 5 & 3 years old kid. Since it was my 1st time ever, I was quite nervous and scared a bit. Buatnya anak orang tu guling-guling atas lantai melalak nak mak bapak dia, matila aku weh. To my surprise, they slept early. Very early indeed. I came to their room before 8pm, and the kids already on their bed. Ready to sleep. So as the parent went out, actually I was doing almost nothing. Nasib baik bawak buku untuk dibaca. Kot tak, silap-silap dengan aku sekali tido. Haha..mungkin budaya orang Inggeris tidurkan anak-anak diorang cepat kot. Ye, I jaga anak omputeh oke. Berabuk abes speaking dengan aku. Mujur telinga agak peka. Kot tak, malula nak cakap, "Pardon me, sir?"

After 11pm, I'd had dinner with my colleague at MCD. Jadah betul raya makan MCD. Dah, kedai mana ada bukak. Mamak pon raya kot. Kelakar betul. MCD tak nak macam full gila pulak tu. Adoi, abes dah lapar nak buat macamana? MCD pon MCD laaa... The next day, I'd attend the same guest for babysitting service. And their routine are same as the day before. Budak-budak tu memang tido awal. Lepas parent dia keluar, aku sambung baca buku semalam. Sesekali aku menjengahla diorang tido. Sama macam semalam. But then the parent came back earlier. 10:30 pm camtu dah balik. Sebelum balik tu sempat gak borak-borak dengan mak dia. Diorang friendly tau.

"Do they sleep?"
"Yes maam, they sleep well,"
"Oh, good then. But you know, Izzy told me yesterday she'd notice you come to the room few times," 
Izzy ialah anak perempuan dia yang sulung. 

"Oh, really? I'm sorry maam, I don't know that she'd noticed me," 
"It's okay, she just said that hopefully you come only once tonight," 
pastu mak dia ketawa. 
Seriously aku tak sangka budak tu perasan aku dok jengah diorang. 

"Maam, actually I'd bring something for the kids. But since they sleep early, I don't have chance to play with them. Could you please give it to them? It's from me," 
Aku tunjukkan dia buku mewarna dengan buku cerita 'Little Red Riding Hood' kat mak dia. Aku memang beli untuk budak-budak tu. Mana tau nak isi masa lapang ke. Sekali diorang tido awal, aku bagi jelah. Bukan main suka lagi mak dia tu.

"Can you write something for the kids? I'm sure they will love it very much," 

To Izzy, Rosy & Freddie. 
Hope to see you all again.
Have a nice vacation.. 
From : Nurrul.

By the way, siapa cakap orang putih sombong? Bukan semua orang oke. They are the good example. They don't mind me, a Muslim wearing tudung looks after their children. They even wish me for Hari Raya. Siap tanya diorang ni tak menganggu aku nak beraya ke apa.

Malam tu, aku balik rumah dan lapar. Tau aku makan apa? Scrambled egg & bread. Sodeh acik haa.. Raya ke2 makan roti jek. Pastu tepon mak aku tanya mak aku masak apa aritu. Pastu guling - guling atas lantai nak balik Segamat. Cis, dasar emo! Pastu tengok gambar family kat FB, touching lagi. Haih.


Dari kiri; Encek Juakhir, Puan Thalha, Kak Yah.
Duduk dari kiri; Kakak, Kak Chik.
Tiada dalam gambar; Aku, Angah.


Friday, August 17, 2012

SALAM AIDILFITRI.

Pejam celik, eh! Tinggal lagi 2 hari je nak puasa. Lepas tu, Aidilfitri datang menjelma. Sekejap betul masa berlalu. Macamana persiapan raya? Honestly, I only bought a pair of baju kurung. No new handbag, no new pair of shoes. Sebab apa? Tahun ni I tak balik raya.. Huwaaaaaaaa.... Mintak maaf Ibu, Abah, Angah, Kak Yah, Kak Chik, Kakak. Along tak balik raya tahun ni. Terpaksa beraya di perantauan. *Kesat-kesat airmata*

Okay, stop all the tears. Ni nak cerita pasal common things bila dalam bulan Ramadhan. Cuba teka apa dia. Terawih? Nope. Bazaar Ramadhan? Nope. Bazaar raya? Nope. Pasaraya? Totally wrong. Zakat Fitrah. Pernah dengar? Biasa dengar? Tak pernah dengar? Jangan segan, jom kita share sedikit ilmu.

Zakat fitrah, zakat Ramadhan, atau zakat badan adalah sebagai penyuci orang yang berpuasa daripada perbuatan keji dan buruk. Juga untuk dijadikan keperluan golongan asnaf pada 1 Syawal.

Kadar untuk zakat fitrah adalah berbeza mengikut tempat. (Maafkan saya jika saya tersilap). Sebagai contoh kat Negeri Sembilan, kadarnya ialah RM6.50 sahaja. Syaratnya anda mestilah seorang Muslim, dan mempunyai ksesuatu (makanan, wang, harta) yang lebih untuk berbelanja ke atas diri dan tanggungan pada 1 Syawal itu (siang dan malam). Dapat menemui masa pada akhir Ramadhan dan awal Syawal.


Waktu Wajib : Tenggelamnya matahari pada 30 Ramadhan sehingga terbit fajar keesokan harinya. 
Waktu Afdhal : Sebelum Solat Sunat Aidilfitri. 
Waktu Sunat : Sepanjang bulan Ramadhan. 
Waktu Makruh : Selepas Solat Sunat Aidilfitri, sehingga terbenam matahari pada hari itu. 
Waktu Haram : Selepas terbenam matahari 1 Syawal. 


Cara pembayaran pun mudah sangat. Boleh pergi kat mana-mana Kaunter Zakat, Pusat Zakat, masjid - masjid, malahan secara online mudah bukan? Ala, topup handphone sampai RM20, RM30 boleh takkan bayar zakat fitrah tak sampai RM10 pun susah kot? Alhamdulillah, aku dah tunaikan tanggungjawab aku. Korang macamana?



Okay, back to Hari Raya mood. Di kesempatan ini aku nak mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya untuk semua yang mengenali dan tak berapa nak kenal pun aku nak ucap jugak. Hehe.. Maafkan atas kesalahan dan kesilapan dan yang balik kampung tu, drive safely. 1 Syawal tu jangan dok hentam semua juadah pulak. Ingatlah pada orang-orang yang kurang bernasib baik. Mentang-mentangla dah puasa sebulan, makan pun macam orang yang tak jumpa nasi sebulan ye? Elok-elok on diet programme mase Ramadhan menunjukkan good progress, langsung hancur lebur bila tiba 1 Syawal.. Hahahaha.. Silap-silap kang tak muat pulak pakai baju raya.



Tuesday, August 7, 2012

AHLAN YA RAMADHAN.

Sekejap je dah masuk Ramadhan 17. How's all of your fasting days? Dah ada ponteng ke? Hehehe.. Alhamdulillah masih penuh sehingga hari ini. Misi : PUASA PENUH SEBULAN! :D


Biasalah bila puasa, untuk orang bujang macam aku ni tak sah la kan kalau tak ke bazar Ramadhan. Rajin sangat la aku nak masak, dok kelentung kelentang kat dapur yang tak seberapa tu. Hahaha.. Orang lain aku tengok meriah dok beli juadah berbuka. Dengan kuih, dengan air, dengan lauk, nasi segala. Aku ni puas dok pusing sampai 2,3 kali tak tau nak beli apa. Usually I'll ended up by having a couple of popia, dan beli nasi ayam / nasi bungkus for dinner. Berbuka? Enough with hot milo, and the kuih. Pastu kenyang dah. Kadang tu makan dinner pukul 10 mlm. Entah apa yang kenyang sangat aku pun tak tau la. But then I wonder macamana orang lain yang beli makanan berkoyan-koyan tu nak finish up all of the foods. Huhu.. Elakkanlah daripada membazir di bulan Ramadhan ni. Nanti takde duit nak shopping raya! Membazir kan amalan syaitan.



Oh, last week Cik Boss telah mengadakan Majlis Berbuka Puasa kat Selesa Beach Resort. Makanan adalah marvellous. Dan banyak juga. Ada local food, western food, barbeque item, desert delicacies, oh, not to mention Nasi Briani Kuzi Kambing adalah lazat! Even though I'm not so into briani and kambing itself. But it's worth it to try. Nasib baik balik takde yang mengembek. Hahahaha.. Say no more, let the picture spoke. :)








Monday, July 30, 2012

Andaiku Bercinta Lagi?

Kini kau tiada 
Senafas pun ku perlu mencuba
Kau bawa pergi sebahagian dari jiwa raga Bersendiri hidup umpama hilang erti
Bagaimanakah meneruskan hayat ini
Andai ku bercinta lagi suatu hari nanti
Tunjukkan di mana
Ruang hati untuknya yang masih belum kau huni?
Apabila tiba waktu bersemuka 
Ku perlu pejamkan mata dan memaksa lafaz cinta
Dengan bayangmu di minda
Tiada pengganti bisa hadir dan mampu menyembuh
Rawan di hati meleraikan semangat ku runtuh
Bersendiri masa umpama tak beralih
Berapa lama lagi harus ku merintih?
Malam tidak berpurnama
Fajar tiada kejora
Aku hilang dalam gelita kalbu
Tanpa dirimu asaku mati

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

HOPE.

Remember I've blog about writing exam? To my surprise, I was shortlisted candidates for 2nd interview! SInce it was my first interview, I was so nervous and freaking damn cuak. Yelah, sebelum ni pergi mana - mana interview takdelah pulak pernah rasa stress macam ni. Tapi mungkin sebab formality surrounding, rasa stress tu berganda. Looking at other candidates buat aku lagi lagi macam errrk! Tapi takpe, bertenang. Macam-macam doa aku baca untuk hilangkan rasa nervous ni. Haih.



Makan lunch sorang-sorang.  @MCD KLSENTRAL



Mind my shining face. Hehehe..


The session went quite well, despite I'm damn freaking nervous. Hahahaha.. But I was hoping I could do more to impress. Biasalah kan. Alang - alang tu, meh sini I nak share tips untuk pergi interview. Based on my experience on the day laa..


  1. Get to know the company. Read.A.Lot.
  2. If you're still working, make sure you know your current company as well.
  3. It's an extra marks there if you could converse in English VERY WELL. Not by broken English.
  4. If you are nervous, DO NOT SHOW IT. Hide it in your handbag!



Details? Ask Mr Google please. Hahaha.. So, I'll be waiting for the result. Maybe, next month? Hope for the best!


Sekejap je dah sampai Julai. Bermakna kita dah mengharungi separuh daripada tahun 2012 ni. Resolusi 2012 anda sudah tercapaikah? Haahahaha... Ke nak bawak tahun hadapan? Relax, you still have about....5 month to go okay? Gambatte ne! Puasa pun bakal menjelang, bawak-bawakla ganti puasa tahun lepas ye kakak.. Hehehehe..

Monday, July 2, 2012

PROMISE. HOW MUCH DOES IT COST YOU?

Promise - Is a commitment by someone TO DO or NOT TO TO something. 
*Source; Mr. Wiki.


Ring a bell? How many of you make a promise, and able to fulfill it? How many of you, promise someone and you TOTALLY forgot about it? I bet EVERYONE does. But, how many of you make amends by your mistakes? Have you ever cross your mind that the one we make promise wait for hours, cancel a few things just to be able to get NOTHING? Yes. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. What a waste.


I've been in both situation. Promise someone, and forgot about it. Someone promise me, and it happens that they broke their promise. What it feels like? Hell. For both. Feels sorry and couldn't say in words how sorry I am for not being able to fulfill my promise. And it hurts me that much also when someone break their promiseS. Yes, obviously, and purposely with capital S because it happens again, again, and again. 


Did I mention that I've such a good heart? I'd rather hurt myself than hurt someone else. This is usually happens;


"Hello, hi. Err. I'm sorry I couldn't make it yesterday. I've got more important things to do, and I can't help it but to go,"


.
OR
.



"I know I've promised you earlier, but I hope you can understand my situation,"


.
OR
.



"Someone call last night and I've to go to ____________  just to make sure everything is okay. What to do, I've the responsibility to carry whether I like it or not,"

.
.
.
.
.


Sounds all the same? IT IS. Does it hurt that much? IT IS and even more, I couldn't do anything other than show a fake smile and says, "It's okay," I don't have heart to be sarcasm, or be mean by throwing all the curses and tantrum for those people you know. Sometimes, it's just slipped out from my mouth. Err.. Otherwise, I just keep it to myself, and sakit hati sorang-sorang. 


This is what I REALLY wanted to say;


"You can go anywhere you like, but it would be nicer if ONLY you inform me earlier. Save the time, save the punches, kicked-your **S, girl-fight unnecessary things that might happens later,"

.
.
.

"Why it is only ME who have to understand your situation whilst you're not? 

.
.
.

"You and your responsibility alone? Are you trying to say that I've NOTHING ELSE to do but to wait for you?"

.
.
.


Duh, give me a break. If you really had important things to attend I don't mind receiving a call or sms saying that you couldn't make it. After all, you DID try to make it. Alas, you DID call. It's good enough. Lagipun kita hanya merancang, Tuhan yang tentukan. So that I can do OTHER things else. But if you're happened to leave it just like that, hoping that I can understand so-call-your-responsibility, what's the point make a promise to me? 


Kita orang Melayu, penuh dengan adat dan tatasusila. Kalau orang lain sound janji Melayu, tau pulak hot, panas, meLAYUkan orang whatever. But you yourself doesn't give a good example, macamana orang nak ikut? Macam ketam mengajar anak berjalan tegak. Tapi anda sejenis ketam ke? Pffftt..


Tiba - tiba rasa macam nak bermadah pujangga lak;


"Lembu perpegang pada tali,
Manusia berpegang pada janji."


Rasa - rasanya lah kan, anda manusia ke lembu? Tengok cermin ye, kalau tak nampak, turn on the light. 


Thursday, June 21, 2012

LIL UPDATE.

It's been a while since my last post. Kesibukan melanda menyebabkan kerajinan untuk post entry adalah terbatas. Oke, admit. I'm quite lazy to blog anything lately. Hahaha.. Dasar!


So, here goes a lil update for last-last-last time.


Shikin & Shahrir Wedding.
Congratulations to both of them, alhamdulillah telah selamat bergelar husband & wife on last 27th May 2012. Maafkan patik kerana tak dapat menghadiri majlis persandingan korang aritu. Dapat datang time nikah je. Untuk Shikin aka Kinkin; tahniah dan aku doakan kebahagian dan kesejahteraan rumah tangga sehingga akhir usia. P/s : Jangan lupa rm50 aku dgn CZ! :D


 



Aritu pergi tengok Snow White & Huntsman. Tetiba rasa macam dah lama tak tengok movie. Dulu rajin betul asal ada movie best jek, sibuk dah nak tengok. Sekarang? Huh, nak tengok Tv kat rumah pon kadang-kadang macam tak sempat. Now eagerly wait for the next GI JOE!


*Kredit : Google*


Still remember for the writing exam I sit last two month? Still no news yet. I don't really place a high hope but little did I wanted to hear a positive answer. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe it wasn't for me, yet. Life is kinda hard lately. I was praying and hoping that I can manage to go through all of this. It's almost impossible to tell what's going to happen for tomorrow, but I do prepared for the worst thing to happen. At least, this life isn't always good and fair right? Rainbow itself need to wait for the rain to stop before it can shine under the sun.

*Kredit : Google*


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

IN MY SHOES.

I wish I don't have to explain to every people why, why and why. I'm tired to keep explaining all the same things. Can't they leave it just like that? 


"They care about you, that's why they tried to talk to you. Can't you just listen to them?"


I DID listen to them. I do know and fully understand what was exactly they're trying to say. The message was delivered very well. But, enough is enough. What are you expecting me to do? Pack all my things and leave everything unsettled? Running away won't settle anything. It might get harder. For me.


I don't need to tell every person what's on my mind. It won't be necessary. As long as I don't get the final answer, things will remain unspoken. I don't like to bluffing here and there, and suddenly all the planning were not going so well. Then how? 


I'm struggling somehow, to get out and to find a better solution. Mind you it is not easy. People can say everything they want to say as they are not in my shoes. And I don't give a damn about it. You can't shut their mouth, unless you shot them dead. 






Semalam ada orang bersusah payah drive-thru just to send me the whole set of Foldover from McD as my supper. How sweet. :D 
P/s : Makanan yang penuh dengan ingatan dan kasih sayang adalah makanan yang paling sedap sekali di abad ini.

Monday, April 2, 2012

TANGGUNG & JAWAB

Hidup di dunia ini sebagai manusia merupakan sebahagian daripada tanggungjawab kita sebagai manusia, sebagai anak, pelajar, dan pekerja dengan izin Allah. Tanpa izin-Nya, siapalah kita sebagai hamba-Nya yang lemah.

Tapi, nak cari orang yang betul-betul boleh tanggung & jawab segala permasalahan ni susah. Ibarat mencari jarum dalam timbunan padi. Yang banyaknya orang yang melepaskan batuk di tangga. Atau melepas tengkuk sendiri. Aku sendiri naik hairan. Agak mereka ni takde rasa bersalah ke kat orang lain? Kalau nak yang versi cerekarama; siap kipas orang atasan. Hah, ini yang paling tak boleh blah.

Aku percaya, setiap tugas atau kerja yang diberikan adalah amanah. Sejauh mana kita bertanggungjawab atas amanah yang diberikan, itu semua adalah atas diri sendiri. Either we are capable to get the job done, or leave it undone. Kalau MC sakit, itu acceptable. Whether you went to panel clinic, or Poliklinik, as long as you are REALLY sick, nobody bother. Macamla tak boleh differentiate orang yang sakit, dengan buat-buat sakit kan? Bukanlah absent semata mahu ke PC Fair. 

Entahla. Malas kan nak cakap dengan orang yang tak punya sense of humor responsibility. They never take things seriously. Agaknya rasa macam makan gaji buta tu best sangat la kot. Takpela, esok-esok kang, pandai tanggung, pandaila jawab. Tak gitu?

Sunday, March 25, 2012

IKHLAS TAPI JAUH?

Sejauh manakah kita ikhlas dalam berkawan? Adakah berkawan itu memerlukan walau satu sebab yang kukuh? Secara jujurnya, aku berkawan sebab aku suka berkawan. You get to know the world better by knowing people who live in it. Sebaik mungkin, aku berkawan tanpa prasangka. Pendek kata, kalau aku dengar kawan aku si L tu ada masalah dengan orang lain, aku akan fikir, 

"Oh, mungkin itu hal peribadi beliau. 
As long as you don't drag me into your girl fight, then I'm fine with it," 

Atau mungkin aku ada dengar kawan aku si J ada masalah dengan Along Bukit Beruntung, tapi masih tak bercakap mengenainya, it's okay. I don't really mind. You know, everybody has their own dirty little secret. 

TETAPI!!

Kawan aku ada cakap yang kita tak boleh sentiasa bersangka baik kat semua orang. Rambut sama hitam, hati lain-lain. We can't possibly read other people's mind. 

Jujurnya, aku berkawan dengan ikhlas. Macamana aku treat kawan kau P, macam tu jugak exactly aku akan treat kau. Walaupun aku tau si K menyimpan perasaan kat aku, aku tak boleh deny perasaan dia lalu terus memutuskan persahabatan dengan beliau. Aku masih respect perasaan orang lain. 

CUMA!!

Aku jadi terasa bila ada orang kawan dengan aku dan bersebab. Tak kisahla niat tu serong ke tegak ke, reverse whatever. Aku tak meletakkan syarat untuk berkawan dengan sesiapa pun. Takkan la just because aku dan W adalah rapat, maka kau pun suddenly move backwards? Disebabkan aku tak boleh tolong kau langsaikan hutang dengan Along Bukit Beruntung (lagi), maka kau pun tiba-tiba buat tak tau je dengan aku? Come on babe, this world doesn't evolve around you. Aku tak harap semua orang sukakan aku. Aku tak se-hawt itu okey. Plus aku sendiri belum tentu sukakan semua orang. 


So the question is; Sejauh manakah keikhlasan kau kawan dengan aku?




Friday, March 23, 2012

TANPA TAJUK 1

Rasa itu,
Membunuhku,
Tanpa sedar,
Memamah sekeping,
Hati sepi ini.

Kelukaan ini,
Terlalu pahit untuk ditelan,
Terlalu manis untuk disimpan,
Inikah realiti kehidupan?

Hati ini,
Terlalu sakit,
Untuk dikenang,
Indah bersama,
Cuma seketika,
Sakitnya,
Terasa selama.

Sayang ini,
Entah kenapa,
Sampai bila,
Masih beraja. 



When I look into the sky, I'll always see you.
I can see you, but I can't have you.
T_T


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

LUCK.

Last week ada Annual Dinner & Dance 2011. And to my surprise, aku bukan je naik pentas sekali, tapi 3 kali oke. Malunya saya. Hahaha.. 1st, untuk Perfect Attendance 2011. Aku dapat voucher F&B dgn cash money RM50. 2nd, aku naik lagi untuk Employee Of The Year 2011. Aku dapat percutian selama 3D 2N di Water Chalet Avillion Port Dickson. And, cash money RM500.00! Actually aku tak sangka aku dapat. Sebenarnya aku cuma tau nama aku naik untuk Perfect Attendance je. Bonus bila dapat Employee Of The Year. Hehehe.. Kali ke-3 aku naik pentas lagi untuk Lucky Draw. Tapi bukan untuk aku pun. Wakil je. Since aku yang paling dekat, semua orang tolak aku naik atas stage. Dah semua orang ingat peti ais berjenama LG tu aku punya. Cet!



By the way siapa cakap tahun ni aku takde luck? 



Been planning something for this coming April. Tapi masih menanti green light daripada beberapa orang. Bachelor party? Macam exaggerate sangat. Gathering sounds more fun. I was thinking to invite a few close friend, to be here at Port Dickson. Tapi yelah, since everyone is working, kekangan masa tu macam one of the biggest things to be worried. But I really hope everyone can come. At least sebelum u girls menjadi milik orang kan. Hehehe.. 



Saturday, March 3, 2012

Because of You...?

Balik dari kerja, rasa macam lapar. Tidak mahu menjana lemak tambahan, singgah 7E. Pusing-pusing, grab one Gardenia Butterscotch. Letak atas kaunter.


"Ini je? Lain takde?"
"Ini sahaja," senyum nipis. 


Bukak beg, gagau wallet. 


Sesaat.
.
Dua saat.
.
Lima saat. 
.
Eh??


Cari dengan mata. 
.
.
OMG!!

WHERE THE HELL IS MY WALLET?????



"Kalau saya cakap saya tertinggal wallet boleh tak?" 
Buat muka cantik, bayarkanla bro.. baru RM4.20!


"So ni nak cancel la ni?"
Aku senyum segan.
Dia senyum. Ada maknakah?


Flashback.


"Nurrul, nanti tolong pass duit ni kat Faridah ye,"
"Ok, esok saya jumpa dia saya bagi,"


SIMPAN DUIT DALAM WALLET & LETAK DALAM DRAWER!


The rest is history. 
.
.
.

Kenapalah aku tak teringat nak check bag sebelum balik??
Keranamu, Butterscotch. Sigh. 









Friday, March 2, 2012

Untuk Diriku.

Alhamdulillah. Bertambah setahun umur aku. Rasa macam tak percaya aku dah 20 24 tahun. Sekejap betul masa berlalu kan?

Cakap pasal ulang tahun, orang akan tanya. Hadiah apa yang paling gempak tahun ni? Atau; BF kau bagi hadiah apa? Hahaha.. Too bad, tahun ni aku tak dapat apa-apa yang special. Dapat ucapan tulus ikhlas daripada kawan-kawan, dah buat aku rasa terharu. Oh, aku masih di dalam ingatan mereka rupanya. *kesat-kesat air mata*

To you; I want to have a better life. So I'll work harder. Since I've nothing yet to be proud of, I won't give up.

To others; I know we were meant to be like this. We met, we've been friends, and the mistake I do is falling for you. If only I knew earlier, I'do anything to prevent it to be happen. But this is all destiny. You'll meet the wrong person before you meet the right one. Forgive me for falling to you. 



Thanks, U are as sweet as this chocolate. 
Maybe that's the reason I shouldn't be with u. :(


Saturday, February 18, 2012

APAKAH?

Walaupun orang tu kawan-kawan kita, even your bff whatever. You shouldn't judge them as you like. Kita tak tau apa yang diorang went through. Some people I know tend to keep their secret alone. Maybe diorang ada share a bit dengan aku, but trust me. Not all of their stories were told. Dan aku juga begitu. So akan rasa annoying kalau tiba-tiba ada orang cakap, "Hey, kamu adalah berbeza daripada apa yang kami dengar," Lalu apa yang kamu harapkan?

Enough said; selamat malam. :)

Thursday, February 16, 2012

TAK.PAYAH.BACA.

After breaking up, aku rasa takut nak berkawan semula. Rasa macam dah serik bebenor nak start anew with other guys. Tak tahulah kenapa. Bukan nak cakap aku masih tak boleh nak move on. I'm still alive, but the pain still remains. Whatever I'm doing to make it disappear was total failure. Met up with the wrong person makes it even worse!

Berkawan rapat, tapi aku tak tau apa isi hati dia. Yang mengaku chenta sayang, hak orang lain pulak. Siapa cakap berkawan ramai tu senang? Selagi takde kata putus, aku pun tak boleh nak cakap apa-apa kan. Cuma aku risaukan hati ni takut tergelincir dari landasan. Kita merancang, sebaliknya Tuhan penentu segalanya.

Silap sendiri jugakla kan? Masa sayang dulu, memang chenta maut [bak kata mak aku] abes.. Sekarang bila dah breaking  dawn  up dengan dia, tak bolehla nak kutip balik rasa sayang yang masih ada tu. So, nak tak nak, sedikit sebanyak ianya masih ada. Kekal di situ. Tak berganjak. Jumpa orang lain, aku tak boleh nak let go semua perasaan yang ada. Rasa macam stuck here. Somewhere. Mungkin aku takut kot. Either takut nak start a new step, atau takut nak express my feelings inside. Atau mungkin aku takut dikecewakan lagi. Only God knows how I feels.

"Jadilah aku pengingat yang setia, setelah aku tau..
Aku hanya serangga, ditaman belantara,"

Friday, February 3, 2012

Penakut?

Kenapa harus berbohong? Adakah dengan menipu dan memutar belitkan kenyataan dan fakta membuatkan kamu rasa hebat? Tak tahu ke sekarang kat dunia ni Tuhan bayar cash? Maybe it won't happen to you, but how about your family? What goes around comes around..


Jika kenyataan itu menakutkan diri kamu, tidak pernah kah kamu terfikir tentang penerimaan saya? Atau kamu sebenarnya memang takut untuk berdepan dengan kenyataan? Mungkin saya juga? Face the fear man, or it will chase you forever. By the way, video ini untuk kamu; PENAKUT.




Tak semua kau rancang akan berlaku
Mungkin nasib tak menyebelahi aku
Entah mengapa engkau yang aku cinta
Mungkin lebih baik kau ku lepas saja

Ini tidak adil tidak adil baginya
Ini tidak adil tidak adil bagiku
Ini tidak adil
Untuk engkau bertanya jika ku mencintaimu juga
Tidak adil tidak adil baginya

Kau tak pernah cuba memahami aku
Cinta kau ucap tak pernah engkau tunjuk
Dan bila tiba saat ku kehilangan
Beban yang tak pernah cuba kau ringankan

Kau bukan milikku
Dan aku memang penakut
Mengakui cinta kepadamu
Seribu kali ku cuba ucapkan
Bila bersamamu
Kau bukan milikku
Dan engkau pun tahu
Kau bukan milikku

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Dragon 2012.


Selamat Menyambut Tahun Baru. Ye, macam dah lewat 29 hari kan? Hahahaha.. Kebizian yang melanda menyebabkan aku cam terlupa nak meluangkan masa kat sini. Well, cuti sekolah last December + Christmas + New Year adelah back-to-back busy. Tema hari-hari adelah bangun pergi kerja, balik kerja, online sejam dua, pastu tido, then bangun, pergi keja and the routine are all the same.. Takde banyak sangat masa untuk spend ke tempat lain. Abes kuat pun family aku datang PD last month. But then they all off to Langkawi for vacation. Dan tinggal aku sorang kat sini. Dem!

Tahun ni tahun aku.. It's a Dragon. A water dragon to be precise. I've always love anything about dragon because I think it was full of mystery.. But I don't think this is my year. I've started the New Year celebration with a tears, and alone. No company, no one beside me. Kebetulan yang tak disengajakan, rahsia yang tersingkap, kebenaran yang menyakitkan, semuanya datang satu demi satu. Sampai aku tertanya-tanya sendiri. Adakah ini ujian atau petanda? Memang tak disangka - sangka the secret was reveal in unexpected way. Well, the damage is done. Sedih, marah, kecewa dan emosi memang membuatkan kita sakit. Dan aku tak nafikan aku mendapat impak yang besar disebabkan menda tu. Naga air kan? Nice. 

Untuk seseorang, tahniah atas berita yang awak bagitau saya haritu. [You know who you are.] Saya tumpang gembira mendengarnya. Walaupun saya sedih kerana akan kehilangan awak, tapi saya akan sentiasa mendoakan kebahagiaan yang berpanjangan untuk awak. You are the best thing ever happen in my life, and I will always cherish memories between us. "Sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead - Adele."