A. You'll work hard to achieve it.
B. You do nothing, and hope for a miracle to happen.
C. You work hard, pray and leave everything in the hands of Allah. He knows better.
D. Too good too be true?
I guess D is the answer for me by the moment. Like others, I was dreaming to have a good plan for my own. But somehow, I can see it doesn't went like it was supposed to be. Like what? Well, you know I didn't place high hopes for something unsure. I've always think positive, just to ensure myself that eventually good things will happens somewhere, somehow. Maybe it was too good to be true.
I was left heart-broken and I'd still mending it. The heart of mine was under healing treatment when I was falling, again. This time for sure I fall very hard. Why? Enough said that I am late to be the one for him. I can't blame him being there just at the perfect moment when I need someone. I was blaming myself for uncontrolled mind and scattered feelings that makes me pull an unwise decision. VERY UNWISE indeed.
I can't turn back the time. No one can. I wish I could be someone else, and turn away like nothing happened. When I was alone, silly things came out from nowhere. Like; I want to run away from all of this. But I know, it would be harder. Running away won't do any better. If I had stronger heart and mind, I would definitely go for it. But I can't. I ain't strong enough.
Sometimes it came to my mind, will I had a happy ending? Could I even dream of happiness meanwhile someone else's is hurt because of my doing? Sounds quite selfish there, huh? I don't know how long could it takes before I lose to my sanity. I was faking a smile just to protect myself in front of others. It's not that easy. People, friends will come and ask. Being them, they probably just happen to hear from someone else's, or rumors. They know nothing. And I had to create another lie, just to protect my heart and my feelings. I don't want people see me as a weak, but I'm not that strong either.
I'd pray for my own happiness. Is it too good to be true? I'm leaving the answer to Him.
"Life is a gamble at terrible odds; if it was a bet you wouldn't take it."
- Tom Stoppard.
